


Top Of The World

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-21
Updated: 2007-02-21
Packaged: 2018-10-01 12:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Harry stayed silent with Draco, and now silence is all he has left





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer** \- I don't own the characters or the song.

Inspired by this verse from **Dixie Chicks 'Top Of The World'**

_I'd pretend to be sleeping_  
When you come in in the morning  
To whisper good-bye  
Go to work in the rain  
I don't know why  
Don't know why 

 

I'm sat here in my best suit, and I feel it itching around my neck even though I'm sat perfectly still. Draco loved me in this suit; he said it made me look dignified, and that even my hair seemed neater when I wore it. I hate this suit, it makes me look like a monkey-man, but I wear it for him. He'd be happy, knowing I was wearing it. At least I think he'd be happy, I don't really know anymore. He hadn't been happy for so long and instead of helping him I just let it get worse. I let things between us get so bad, and I can't undo it now.

We started off alright, me and Draco. It wasn't easy, with our history and temperaments it was never going to be easy, but we did it. I loved him so much, and I don't know how things went so wrong. We just stopped connecting. We spoke about our days on a superficial level, we ate in silence that should have been companionable but just made us both want to escape, and we only touched in bed; Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings, always the same routine.

He came back into our bedroom on Thursday morning, he hasn't done that in so long, but he came back in to say goodbye to me before he left for work. And I just pretended to be asleep as he pressed a kiss to my temple and told me he loved me. He told me he loved me and I stayed silent, letting him go to work without hearing it back. 

It was Ron that came and got me as I was preparing to go out. Told me in stilted sentences about the call out to a splinter-cell's hide-out, told me about the bad weather, the rain and the fog and the mist that made it so hard to see. Told me about the ambush, about the curse thrown at Draco. Told me about him hitting the floor, an unmoving pile.

So now I sit here, and I know that the last thing he heard from me was silence, and I've never hated anything as much as I hate myself right now, lost in pain and regret and the goddamn itchy monkey suit. I should have been more for him, better for him, but all I was, all I have been for months now is silent. The silence stretches out around me and I didn't think you could be deafened by silence but you can and as I lose my grip on the world I hear it.

"You're wearing your suit."

Tightening my grip on his hand I smile softly before leaning up to press a kiss against his cheek, the beep of the diagnostic spells telling me that he's going to get better.

"I was going to the Mungo's fundraising Gala when I heard. There was no time to change."

He settles back against the pillows as he catches his breath, and I allow the silence to stretch between us until he decides he wants to speak. But this silence is different to the one I've sat under for almost a week, and I don't mind it so much now.

"How long?"

"Almost a week."

"You've been wearing your monkey suit for a week?"

"Yeah. I think Hermione casts cleaning charms when I'm asleep."

He smiles, and I feel his fingers curl around my hand briefly before loosening and sliding away from me. He doesn't speak to me, instead addressing the ceiling.

"Harry, this silence between us…I can't live with it."

"I can't either. I didn't realise how bad it had gotten Draco."

"Do you…do you still…"

"Yes, so very much. Maybe if I'd told you when you'd come back to our room you'd have been late and gotten reprimanded and not gone out on that raid. If I'd just…"

"I knew you weren't asleep. If I'd pushed the point instead of running away…"

"It isn't your fault!"

"No, it's both of ours."

Yet another type of silence falls between us, but this one is better. It's still laced with problems, but it's more like the companionable silences we used to have. Draco's hand snakes back into mine and I watch over him as he falls asleep. I don't know why things got so bad but I do know things are going to get better.


End file.
